


Heaven's So Far Away

by RedFez



Series: Reaper!verse [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Character Death, M/M, Reapers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-13
Updated: 2013-11-24
Packaged: 2017-12-19 08:03:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 19
Words: 19,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/881420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedFez/pseuds/RedFez
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Cas is killed, he becomes a reaper. Reapers aren't supposed to have any sort of contact with those they knew before death, but Cas just can't seem to stay away from his old best friend, Dean. The fact that Cas now works at the bar Dean frequents probably isn't helping either. Reaper duties aside, Cas is not having an easy afterlife.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

A soul. That's all he was, the man reminded himself. That's all anybody really was. He watched as a specific man walked towards him on the rather crowded New York City sidewalk.

He began walking towards the man, taking in his blue eyes and dark brown hair. This man, Castiel Milton, would be his last before he could leave. While he would never wish this onto anyone, he was glad that he would finally be able to pass on. Gabriel was tired of having to collect the souls of people about to die. He'd had enough of the constant whining about how it wasn't their time yet. And convincing them to move on was always the best.

But this man, this Castiel, would be the soul to free him this job.

Gabriel glanced at his watch before taking a last look at the piece of paper in his hand. Six minutes until death time.

Still walking, Gabriel passed Castiel, reaching up to brush the other man's arm with his hand. Castiel didn't notice. They never did.

The soul, successfully pulled from the body, stayed where it was. Castiel didn't notice anything, though, continuing on his way to wherever he was going. Gabriel didn't care about those details. He didn't have time to. Not in this line of work.

Gabriel stopped walking, instead turning to stand outside one of the many buildings lining the street.

Four minutes until death time.

He began examining the soul better now. Castiel's soul still appeared human, dressed in what the body was wearing; black dress pants, a white collared shirt, a backwards blue tie, a suit jacket, and a tan trenchcoat. The trenchcoat was unnecessary in the early fall weather, but Gabriel wasn't about to complain about Castiel's fashion sense.

More people filed past, all trying to get somewhere.

Two minutes until death time.

Gabriel looked around at his surroundings. This would be the last time he ever saw them.

The sound of tires screeching to a halt and a high pitched screech broked him out of his trance. Gabriel glanced at his watch once more.

5:31

It was right on schedule.

A great weight seemed to lift off his shoulder.

His last soul had been collected.

His time to move on was mere minutes away.

Castiel Milton was dead.


	2. Chapter 2

Dean Winchester wasn't quite sure of the relationship he and Castiel Milton had. They'd been best friends all through highschool and college, and now, seven years after graduating highschool, they were living in an apartment together. No, not together in a romantic way. At least, not yet. Or that's what Dean kept telling himself.

You see, Dean had been in love - no, that's too much...Dean had been severely crushing on Castiel since the end of highschool, when the two had gone to college together.

Dean had finally worked up the courage to tell Cas how he felt, and Cas had laughed at him slightly and asked him why he'd taken so long to say something before pressing a light kiss to his lips.

All of that had happened the night before.

It wasn't all that unusual for the two to not see each other in the morning, before work, as Dean had to get up earlier than Cas did. But when Cas failed to show up at the apartment after work that night, Dean knew something was wrong.

He went to bed still wondering where Cas was. Cas did disappear every once in awhile, so he wasn't too worried. But Cas usually let Dean have some sort of heads up beforehand.

The next morning, Cas still wasn't home. Now was the time to get seriously worried.

Dean pushed these thoughts aside for a moment when his phone rang. Not bothering to look at the caller ID, he answered. "Hello?"

A strangled gasp was all he heard before the voice of Anna Milton, Cas' older sister, choked out, "It's Castiel. He's been hit by a car and -" she broke off, sniffles coming down the line.

"And what?" Dean demanded, "And what, Anna?"

"He's dead," she whispered, so quiet Dean almost didn't hear her. "My brother is dead."


	3. Chapter 3

Gabriel all but skipped over to the soul of Castiel Milton. "Hey," he said, happiness seeping into his voice.

No response came from the blue eyed man.

"Castiel?" he tried again.

That warranted him getting the unblinking stare turned to him. But he still said nothing. "Well, Cassy," Gabriel pulled the nickname out of nowhere, "I hate to break it to you, but you're kind of dead."

The man blinked, not in surprise. "I know," he responded in a low, gravelly tone.

Gabriel's eyebrows rose a bit. That was a new response. He'd honestly never had to deal with a soul that already knew it was dead. Mentally shrugging, he began talking again. "I bet you didn't know this though: I'm a reaper, and you, as the soul to reach my quota, are taking my job while I get to move into the afterlife."

Castiel nodded, taking in this new information. "Why?"

Gabriel rolled his eyes. "Cassy, my...boss, Michael, he's gonna explain everything to you. Once he gets here, that is." Gabriel looked around, trying to spot him amidst the bodies moving around them. As Castiel hadn't fully become a reaper yet (and he wouldn't until Gabriel moved on), and Gabriel was speaking to his last soul, neither of them appeared to the living. The occasionally human walked straight through both of them, and the first time it happened, Castiel turned to watch them walk away, his intent blue gaze following them.

A minute or so of an uncomfortable silence passed as they waited for Michael to show. When he finally did, the dark haired man gave Castiel a once over with his eyes before turning to look at Gabriel. "This is your replacement? I hope he's as good as you were."

Gabriel snorted. "Don't try flattery, Michael. It's high time I got the hell out of here." And with that, he turned and briskly walked away, never once looking back. When he reached the corner, he promptly vanished.

Castiel stared straight into Michael's eyes, not saying a word. Michael stared right back before turning to walk. "Come this way, Castiel. We have to get you settled."

-x-

After taking a few steps, the New York City skyscrapers vanished and they were in what appeared to be waiting room. It was eerily empty, aside from a black haired woman sitting behind a reception desk. Michael crossed the floor to speak to her, leaving Castiel behind, by the 'door'. A few snippets of the two's conversation floated back to Castiel, and then Michael was beckoning him over.

Once he reached the desk, the woman introduced herself as Tessa. Nothing more. She was in charge of keeping a sort of records of all the reapers. Her hair was short and black, and she didn't seem too particularly friendly. Castiel found himself staring at her, not caring that most people found his stare rather unnerving.

Cas hadn't been listening to the conversation she and Michael had been having until Tessa waved her hand in front of his face. "What?" he demanded.

"How does the name James sound? You'll be needing a new names. After all, Castiel Milton is dead. Can't exactly go around using that anymore," Tessa repeated what she'd said.

Castiel gave a minute shrug. "I would prefer to keep the name Castiel," he requested, but Michael shook his head.

"You need a complete name change," he said to Cas before looking back over at Tessa. "Put him down as James Novak."

Castiel didn't even try to protest, his mind still trying to catch up with the fact that even though he was dead, he was going to have to stick around on earth for a while.

"Jimmy!" Michael's exclamation made Cas look at him.

"That is not my name," Castiel protested.

Michael gave him an annoyed look. "It is now."

-x-

Once they'd returned to the land of the living, Michael gave Cas an address and told him to be there at 8:00 AM sharp, no questions asked. After Cas had promised to be there, Michael walked off, who knows where to.

Left on his own, now having a physical body with a slightly altered physical appearance (had to keep people from recognizing him somehow), he decided to go the apartment he and Dean had shared. He wasn't quite sure why he was going there, considering Dean probably thought him to be dead. Dean, after all, would have been the first person Anna would tell of his death.

Once he reached the apartment complex, he pulled he key he had out and cautiously approached the door, as if he were afraid it would bite. The key slid easily in, however, and Cas soon found himself just inside his apartment.

All the lights were off, and it appeared that Dean wasn't there. That wouldn't be all that strange if it wasn't a weekend. While Cas had died on a Tuesday, apparently time had a weird way of passing when one was going between realms - the waiting room, or Purgatory as Michael called it, was in between the lands of the living and the dead. Only the souls of the recently deceased and reapers could reach it, and most of those souls passed on rather quickly, not wanting to get stuck in a dull gray room for all eternity.

But it was Sunday now. Dean almost always stayed in on those days, wanting nothing more than to relax. Cas dismissed this small little fact, instead going to his room and curling up on his bed, drifting into an uneasy sleep.

-x-

He woke hours later to the sound of his bedroom door opening. Sitting up on his bed, he blinked in the dim light, trying to make out what had opened his door. Cas was just able to make out the shape of a Dean shaped silhouette in the doorway.

"Whoever you are, sleeping in the bed of my dead best friend is not going to make me pleased," Dean's tired voice cut through the darkness.

Castiel stood up, looking at Dean in the gloom. "Listen to me Dean, I am Castiel-"

Dean cut him off. "No. You are going to get the hell out of here. I don't know who the fuck you or how you know my name, but saying that you're the man I was just at a funeral for is twisted. Now get the hell out."

Castiel didn't know what to say to that, and he knew that the only reason that Dean wasn't reacting with violence to his being there was because he was too tired to care much. Cas brushed his way past Dean and walked out the door.


	4. Chapter 4

The day was sunny, much too bright and happy a day to be burying your best friend. God had to have a cruel sense of humor, Dean realized as he followed the Miltons (it was only Anna, the other sister, Hester, and Anna's fiancé, Raphael) through the cemetery to where Castiel was to be buried. Sam and his girlfriend, Jess, walked behind Dean, and they were the only people there. Cas didn't have many friends, and most of his family was dead, lived too far away to come, or they hadn't been close.

It was short event. Anna tried to say something about her now dead brother, but she collapsed a few words in and Raphael had to hold her up.

Sam glanced at Dean, fully expecting the older of the two brothers to say something. But what Dean had to say was something that he could only really tell Cas. He didn't want the rest of the Miltons to know any of it.

Hester didn't offer up any words. In fact, she didn't look distraught at all. If anything, the seventeen year old blonde looked annoyed that she had to be there at all. Dean didn't know what her problem was, but he didn't question it. Whatever it was was hers to deal with.

Eventually, the Miltons left, and it was just the two Winchesters and Jess left in the cemetery. Sam turned to Jess, whispered something in her ear, and then they both left as well, leaving Dean on his own.

He looked down at the fresh dirt, where he knew Cas was buried beneath. "I never got to say this while you were around, so I'll say it now: you were much more than a friend to me. After my dad died, the only thing really keeping me going was you, Cas." He paused to draw in a shaky breath. The words he so desperately wanted to say didn't come spilling out of his mouth, and Dean looked up at the sky. A single tear rolled down his face before he turned and walked over to the Impala, where he knew Sam and Jess would be.

-x-

After a short ride to the apartment Sam and Jess lived in, Dean was alone in his car. He didn't want to go back to his own, empty one, and he decided to stop by the Roadhouse, where he knew Ellen and Jo would be.

Not caring about the fact that he was still wearing a suit, he entered the small bar a little while later. Jo, immediately spotting him, waved him over to the counter, where he gratefully sat down on one of the many bar stools.

Jo raised an eyebrow at his attire. "What's with the suit, Winchester?" she questioned, pouring him a glass of whiskey without having to ask him.

He glared at her before raising the glass to his lips and taking a small drink from it. "Can it, Jo. You know exactly why I'm wearing this," he responded, weariness edging into his voice.

She gave him a sad smile in response. "Yeah, I do. How are you doing, anyway."

He snapped back, "I just buried the man I loved. How do you think I'm doing?"

Jo raised her hands in surrender. "Just asking," she said before walking away to help the other people already in the bar.

Two hours later, eight PM, found Dean barely drunk and entering his apartment. He was intent on cleaning out Cas' room that night, feelings be damned. But when Dean opened the door to Cas' room, he most certainly did not expect to find a strange man he'd never met before asleep on the bed.

"Whoever you are, sleeping in the bed of my dead best friend is not going to make me pleased," Dean finally said, speaking into the darkness.

The man sat up and tried to explain what he was doing there to Dean. "Listen to me Dean, I am Castiel-"

Dean shook his head. Whoever the hell this man maybe, saying he was Cas was just going to piss him off. "No. You are going to get the hell out of here. I don't know who the fuck you or how you know my name, but saying that you're the man I was just at a funeral for is twisted. Now get the hell out."

The man said nothing else. He just rose from the bed and brushed past Dean. He heard the front door close lightly behind the stranger as he left the apartment, and Dean slumped down against the wall once he was gone. Dean didn't want to have to deal with that kind of shit, not right then. No longer have the energy to begin cleaning Cas' room, Dean crossed the room and collapsed onto Cas' bed. Breathing in that specific scent of his, Dean quickly fell asleep.

-x-

The next morning, Dean woke up much later than he usually did. His boss and pseudo uncle, Bobby, had given him the week off, knowing how much Cas' death had hit him. Dean was grateful for that, really he was, but what he wanted more than anything was something to put the death of the man he loved at the back of his mind, even if it was only for a short while.

He sat up on the bed, wanting to get up and do something, but not quite ready to clean Cas' room. While he'd thought he was, he now realized how truly wrong he was.

He wasn't ready to let his best friend, possibly the love of his life, go. No way in hell. Not after only a few days. Dean knew he would need a lifetime to recover, if he would recover at all. And he didn't know that would ever happen. It was, after all, said that you never stopped loving the first person you ever did.

He gazed around the room, taking in all the things Cas had placed around it, marking it his. The picture of his family, all of them smiling; even Hester had a slight grin to her face. The picture of Dean and him, taken right after they'd graduated. They couldn't have looked happier.

Dean tore his gaze away from the pictures, determined to not let himself get sucked into memories of a past time. He tried to shove the feelings that were bubbling up inside of him down, but to no avail. They just came up, and Dean found silent tears running down his cheeks once more.


	5. Chapter 5

After a fitful night spent in a hotel, Cas was on his way to the address Michael had given him. Once there, he found himself outside of a small diner, labeled only as 'Der Waffle Haus'. He walked inside, located a clock on one of the walls, and realized he was a minute late.

Spotting Michael seated at one of the booths, Cas began walking over, only to have a group of three people - one man, two woman - walk past and seat themselves at the booth with Michael. Cas narrowed his eyes in slight confusion before continuing on his way over. Michael saw him coming and snapped something at the three strangers, getting them to stop talking, before waving him over impatiently.

"Everybody, this is Jimmy -" Michael began to introduce him before one of the woman cut him off.

"My name's Ruby, and now I know that Jimmy isn't your real name," she introduced herself, leaving the invitation for his real name open.

"Castiel," he responded, keeping his answer short. Michael sighed from where he was seated next to Ruby. The other two people, a man with blonde hair wearing a t-shirt with a v-neck and another woman with wavy brown hair, looked up at him.

Michael waved those two over. "Meg, Balthazar, move over so he has somewhere to sit."

They grudgingly squeezed closer together, away from the edge of the bench. Cas sat down in the space they'd made for him. "What are we doing here?" Castiel questioned once they'd all gotten comfortable.

A waitress came over soon after he'd said that, not allowing Michael to explain. They all ordered food, and after it had come, and they'd all eaten, Michael reached into his pocket and pulled out five notecards. He passed one to each person, keeping one for himself. Cas looked down at his, reading what was on it. Two names, and next to those were times and locations. He opened his mouth to ask, but Michael began talking. "Those are the names of the souls you have to collect, as well as when and where to collect them."

Cas opened his mouth once more to ask about it, but Michael began to talk again. "Meg, you're in charge of helping him out."

The woman next to him groaned slightly before nodding. "Why do I always get stuck with the newcomers?" she questioned under her breath before gesturing for Cas to stand.

The four of them - Meg, Ruby, Balthazar, and Cas - were about to leave the building when Michael called after them, "Don't forget. Here, tomorrow, same time."

-x-

Outside, Ruby and Balthazar looked at each other's names before deciding to go together, at least for a little while, leaving Meg and Castiel alone.

"Well, Castiel, where to first?" she asked, in a bored tone.

He consulted the list in his hand. "Tommy Collins," he paused momentarily, "at 9:13. It says he's dying in his house."

Meg rolled her eyes before looking at her watch. "It's five minutes to nine. Better hurry if you want to make it in time."

-x-

About fifteen minutes later, and they were standing outside his house. After trying the front door, Castiel looked to Meg for guidance, unsure of how to get in.

"Sometimes, you've gotta pick a lock or two." She crouched down by the lock while Cas watched worriedly.

"Is this really necessary?" he questioned.

Meg nodded, not saying anything, and soon they were standing in the front hall of the house. A couple of pictures were hung up on the walls. Most them were of three children, all appearing to be siblings. Looking away from them, Cas and Meg walked into the dining room, where the sounds of someone choking were coming from.

It was a young man, probably about nineteen. He was sitting in one of the chairs, bent over the table, desperately trying to draw a breath in. Castiel took a step towards him, ready to help, but Meg stuck an arm out in front of him to stop him.

"We have to help him, Meg. We can't just let him die!" Castiel protested.

Meg glared at him. "We won't help him, because if he survives past his expected death time, his soul will wither and he'll become some sort of monster."

Cas shrunk back. He didn't want that to happen, but he didn't want to let him die either. A few seconds passed before he asked, "What do I have to do."

A small smirk played onto her lips before she spoke. "Just walk over to him, brush your hand against him, and...the soul's out."

Cas nodded, and walked over to the young man. He hated to see him dying, and be unable to do anything about it. Mentally shrugging that off, he lightly placed his hand on the man's shaking shoulder before drawing it off. A couple of seconds passed before Tommy passed out, oxygen deprivation making him due so. Minutes after that, his chest stopped moving.

The soul stood up from where it was seated in the chair. "What just happened?" he asked in a shaky voice.

Castiel informed him of what had happened before saying it was time to move on. It took little convincing, and soon Meg and Cas were on their own.

"That was fun," Meg grinned at Cas. He glared at her slightly before stalking out of the house, her trailing behind.

-x-

The other soul that Cas had to collect that day was much easier to deal with; an old woman who'd been in a coma for the past three years.

After all of that was dealt with, Meg left him and he headed to the Roadhouse, needing the comfort of something he already knew.

He walked up to the counter, got a beer, and then walked over to one of the empty tables. Cas wasn't there long before Dean walked in. He watched as the green eyed man headed straight to the counter and sat down on a bar stool. Still watching, he took a sip from his beer. Dean and Ellen exchanged a few words before Ellen suddenly pointed over at him. Dean glanced over at Cas, before looking back at Ellen and speaking for a little while longer.

Eventually, Dean walked over to where Cas was seated. His hands were empty, Cas noted.

"My friend tells me you were watching me," Dean said as way of greeting this man he didn't know. Clearly, he didn't recognize him from the night before.

Cas didn't say anything, waiting for Dean to say more.

Dean sighed. "All I want to know is why. If you're here at all regularly, you'd know that I just lost someone very close to me."

Cas nodded slowly. He knew that. He knew it better than anyone else.

The man seated opposite him looked away. "I don't know why I'm telling you this," he muttered before speaking up so Cas could hear him properly. "My name's Dean, and my best friend died a week ago. I'd appreciate it if you didn't stare. It's kinda unsettling." He stood up, not waiting for a response before walking away.

Cas desperately wanted to call after him, to tell him everything. But he knew he couldn't. Dean wouldn't believe him.

Finishing off his beer, he left the bar to return to his hotel room. He tossed and turned on the bed for hours before finally slipping into an uneasy rest.


	6. Chapter 6

The next day found Cas following the same routine as the morning before. At eight o'clock sharp, he walked into Der Waffle Haus, and sat down on the booth bench across from Michael, who only gave him a nod in greeting. The other three weren't there yet. A waitress (her nametag read 'Ashley') came over to ask for what he wanted to order, and he asked for coffee and a plate of waffles; reapers, although dead, did have to eat. As for how he was paying for everything, when Michael had registered him as a reaper, he'd also been given all the papers that said that he was actually James 'Jimmy' Novak. Along with those papers came a bank account with a five hundred dollars in it. And after that, he was on his to find money.

Ruby and Meg arrived together, the same time Ashley came back with Cas' food. Michael sighed and checked the time. "Where's Balthazar?" he asked as Cas began eating.

Ruby shrugged, and Meg answered, "How are we supposed to know? It's not like we're in charge of watching him."

Five minutes later and Balthazar was still a no show. Michael tapped his foot impatiently while the two women, both seated on the same bench as Cas, leaving Michael on his own, waited for the food they'd ordered after sitting down.

Another ten minutes passed, and Balthazar finally came running in. "I'm going to kill that idiot," Michael muttered as Balthazar sat beside him.

"Sorry I'm late. Had a soul to be reaped at 7:00 in the city, and you know how traffic can get," Balthazar explained, "Plus there's the fact that the damn soul would not move on."

Michael rolled his eyes while Ruby laughed. Meg and Cas didn't say anything. "Balthazar, since you're late, you'll have to pick up breakfast somewhere else," Michael ordered before reaching into his pocket and pulling out five notecards, just as he'd done the day before.

After having one passed to him, Cas read the names listed. Three more than the previous day, and one was early in the morning the next day. He sighed and waited for the two girls to slide out before he could get up.

As he'd done the day before, Michael reminded them to be back at Der Waffle Haus the next day at the same time. Outside, they all compared lists. Michael had apparently decided one day of training was good enough, and Cas was able to go off on his own. But, apparently the other three reapers enjoyed working together, rather than separately. Keep in mind, however, that they all still had to reap the souls they had; no trading, no matter who you had written.

Balthazar and Cas both had to head in the same direction, although all three of Balthazar's names were later in the day than Cas' first one. Ruby and Meg didn't have any to reap until that night, so they decided to tag along with the men.

As they walked, Balthazar opened his mouth to speak, breaking the uncomfortable surrounding them. "So, Castiel, where are you staying?"

Cas looked slightly surprised at the question, his blue eyes widening (while his physical appearance had changed - supposedly - he still looked the same to other reapers and he still looked like himself in the mirror). "A hotel," he responded after a few seconds.

Ruby laughed again (Cas was beginning to really not like her and that laugh of hers), while Meg smirked. "That's no good!" Balthazar exclaimed. "I've got plenty of room in the house I..own, even with those two," he motioned at Ruby and Meg, "living there with me."

"Are you asking me to live with you?" Castiel asked confused as to why this man would ask someone he barely knows to move in.

Ruby nodded, "Yes he is, dumbass. There's more than enough room. We all pitch in on the expenses."

Castiel wrinkled his nose. "If you really mean it, okay. But where do you live?"

Balthazar chuckled. "You'll see later today."

-x-

Necessary souls for the day reaped, Castiel returned to the house Balthazar had shown him between reapings. It was about four in the morning, Castiel's last soul to be collected taking him to the other side of the town.

He entered the room that had, as according to Balthazar, been Gabriel's before passing on. Apparently, this house served as a kind of halfway house for reaper's. Before Balthazar had come, it was a woman named Naomi. Before Ruby, a man named Alastair. Before Meg, a man named Azazel.

The house was passed down through the reapers. Whoever the head reaper was, the one who received the names, never stayed with them. Rather, they moved somewhere else so the reaper who deliver the lists would have somewhere to go that wasn't crawling with other reapers.

Castiel entered Gabriel's past room, finding the floor near the trash bin littered with candy wrappers. The bed was unmade, and as much as Cas was going to hate sleeping on the dirty sheets, he quickly fell onto the bed, letting sleep sweep over him, despite being still fully dressed.

-x-

The next morning, Castiel was woken up by someone pounding on his door. After not responding for sometime, Meg poked her head. "Time to get up, Clarence," Meg told him while Castiel's brow furrowed in response to the name she called him.

She left then, and Castiel pulled himself off the bed. The shirt he'd worn yesterday was rumpled, and he needed a shower.

Some time later, he was not so eagerly leaving the house. The other three had left while he was in the shower. Now wearing clean clothes (yesterday, when he knew Dean was gone, he'd gone back in and taken some of his old clothes), he set off to Der Waffle Haus.

The same process as yesterday. Order food from Ashley, scarf it down, receive lists from Michael, leave. It was good and repetitive. That morning, however, none of the four could stick together, Ruby having to venture into the city for her first reaping, Meg had one in the dead center of town, Balthazar apparently had a job as a pawn shop employee that he needed to be getting too, and Cas' soul was taking him near where the Roadhouse was located.

They all set off in their different directions. Cas looked at the watch he'd found in Gabriel's - no, it was his now - room and picked up his pace. He had a short amount of time to get their before the death of some man named Ash Harvelle. Cas couldn't remember meeting the man, but the name sounded undeniably familiar, aside from the obvious fact that he had the same last name as Ellen and Jo. He tried to brush this off, but it clung to him, refusing to let go as he drew nearer to the Roadhouse.

The bar was closed and locked, the lights inside not on yet. Of course, that was due to the fact that it wasn't open yet and wouldn't be until later.

Cas stood outside, waiting for Ash Harvelle to show up. He had five minutes until Ash was supposed to get there, but no one was in sight. Sighing, Castiel turned and looked into the bar behind him. Inside the building, Cas could see someone moving around. That person was heading towards the door, and he soon stepped out into the light. Castiel felt his blood turn to ice as he realized this was Ash. The brother of Jo and son of Ellen.

This man, while Cas might not know very well, was a good friend of Dean's, and Cas hated what he was going to have to do. Reminding himself of what Meg had told about people that lived after their death date, he squared his shoulders and took off after Ash.

He let his hand lightly touch the walking man's back before drawing it away. The man with the mullet continued walking, talking to himself under his breath. Cas tried to make out what he was saying, but it was no use.

Ash turned down one of the side alleys, and a minute later Cas heard a shout before a gunshot rang out. He closed his eyes tightly, hating that he had to watch so many deaths.

Upon opening his eyes, Cas found the soul in front of him watching him. "Who are you, dude?" the blond asked.

Choosing to ignore the question, Castiel gave him the same dry statement he'd taken to giving every soul; "It's your time to move on. You're dead."

Ash nodded but made no move to leave. "Okay. But what are you? You're not human, are you?"

Cas shook his head. "I'm a reaper. Now go on before you end up hanging around forever."

Seeming satisfied with the answer, Ash began to walk away, towards what Cas presumed was the light beckoning him onward. "Where am I going? What is after life?" Ash asked, turning to look at Cas again. He wanted to know as much as he could about all of this.

Cas shrugged. "You're guess is as good as mine. I'd like to think it's Heaven, though."

Ash snorted at that and walked away without stopping this time.

Cas stared after the man. He'd never really given what he was inevitably going to one day be heading into much thought. When he was still living with his parents, they'd taken him too church. He was raised believing in God, and angels, and that there was great big paradise waiting for him when he died. But now that he was actually dead, he was unsure of what he believed.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reminder: Jimmy is Cas. Cas is Jimmy. They are the same person

Dean hated his life right then. A week and a half after his fucking best friend died, another one of his friends was killed. He didn't want to think about how Jo and Ellen felt then, his heart, though shattered by Cas' death, going out to them. Jo and Ash had been more like best friends rather than siblings, and Ellen was his mother. Dean stopped that train of thought right there.

He wasn't going to jump aboard that thought line right then. He couldn't. Not ready to deal with another friend's death so soon, Dean barged out his apartment. He needed something to do, something to take his mind off the deaths. Not caring what it was.

Bursting out onto the street, he began running. Dean was wearing jeans, which wasn't the best idea when one was running, but he didn't care. This would hopefully make him forget, at least for a little while.

The run brought him to the cemetery. He didn't know why, he hadn't been paying any attention to where he was. He definitely didn't want to be there. But he continued on running, let his feet carry him between the tombstones.

Not paying any attention to where he was going again, he bumped into a man. Dean held his hand out to the dark haired man, pulling him from the ground where he'd been knocked down. "I'm Dean," he introduced himself.

The other man had this dazed expression on his face. He shook himself out of it though, bringing his gaze up to meet Dean's eyes. "I'm Ca-" he said before correcting himself, "Jimmy. My name is Jimmy."

"Jimmy, I'm sorry about running into -" he broke off, examining the man in front of him closer. "Hey, aren't you that guy who was staring at me at the Roadhouse?"

Jimmy nodded slightly. "I might be," he admitted.

Dean narrowed his eyes the other man. He let his eyes trail over the entire body before looking at him in the eyes again. Jimmy's eyes were the blue Castiel's had been. It was unnerving how exact the colors were. The rest of the man's appearance didn't resemble Cas at all, aside from the hair color, but the eyes were the same.

He finally said something. "You have the same color eyes as my friend. The one who died."

Jimmy flinched slightly, which Dean pretended not to see. If the man had something against death, he felt sorry for him. It was inevitably coming for everyone, at some point or another.

Dean waited for a response from the shorter man, but what he got in return was the man looking at his watch. Jimmy gave him an apologetic look before saying, "I'm sorry, but I have to be going."

Dean watched as he walked away. He wasn't sure why, but something about his presence comforted him. It made him feel slightly less bitter about the deaths. And during the conversation, at least before the eyes observation, he'd been able to Cas and Ash at the back of his mind.

Stuffing his hands into his pockets, he turned around and headed back the way he'd come from.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to thunderclaw5 on FF.net for betaing!
> 
> WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS THE BACKSTORY OF A REAPER. (it made me uncomfortable writing it, but that's due to the fact that I have a really bad fear of knives.)

The next few days passed much the same as the last ones did; wake up, go to Der Waffle Haus, receive the names from Michael, collect the souls, and then go back to the reaper house. It was boring, tedious, and Castiel hated the way some of the souls pleaded to stay, not wanting to move on.

While most souls moved on without much fuss, there was at least one a day that refused to leave. Some just didn't realize they were dead, and others wouldn't accept it.

A week had passed since Cas had returned to the land of the living, and already the repetitiveness was getting to him. He was itching for something to do, outside of the souls. A job - a normal, everyday job - would be a blessing at this point. But Castiel didn't know where to look first, and he wasn't sure what his counterfeit papers qualified him for. He figured it would be the same thing as before he'd died, veterinary sciences, but he couldn't be sure. Most certainly he didn't want to show up at the clinic he had worked at, ready to apply..only to find he didn't qualify.

To put it simply, that would be a most unpleasant occurrence.

Instead, Castiel opted to find work somewhere else familiar. He knew that the Harvelles needed help at the Roadhouse, but he knew now was not the time to go looking for a job there. Not while Ash's death was fresh in their minds.

So instead, to fill his time, he took to cleaning up the reaper house. There was a small, mostly unused room full of boxes. Balthazar and Ruby both assured him that they didn't to be gone through, that they were just full of the stuff past reapers had left behind before moving on.

But, the day after he'd finished cleaning out his room (Gabriel wasn't the neatest person to have ever existed), he opened the door to the room, determined to go through at least one of the boxes.

He cracked open the first one he reached, and was immediately greeted by the glint of knives. Knowing that reapers couldn't be hurt (okay, actually, they could be, but they healed ridiculously fast, as proved from a demonstration by Balthazar, in which he cut off one of his own fingers - only to have it regrow in a matter of minutes), he grabbed two of them. Ignoring the sting left by one of the other knives as he pulled his hand out, he examined the two knives.

A voice from behind startled him, and he accidentally sliced his hand open. "Those were Alastair's," Meg spoke as she knelt down beside him.

Castiel stared at her, wondering why a reaper would need knives. "He was a murderer in life, and when he became a reaper, he didn't want to give it up. Something about how it felt. Really pissed Michael off," she explained.

Castiel nodded in understanding. "Oh," he said.

"I was one of the ones he killed after he became a reaper. And when he found out I was replacing Azazel, he was happy." She laughed humorlessly. "Something about being able to talk to one of his victims."

Castiel set the knives aside and reached out to comfort her. How, he didn't know, but he wanted to help the harsh woman out.

"I had to put up with that asshole for fifty three years before he finally passed on. Ruby took his place. She might be a bitch, but at least she doesn't gloat about how much fun it was torture me." She paused, looking at Castiel. "That was the worst part. Hearing him talk about how much I screamed." She broke off, a shudder running through her.

Castiel didn't know what to say. He wanted to say something, anything. But words failed him at that moment, not that he was much of a talker to begin with. He didn't have say anything though, as Meg leaned over the box. She shoved the knives around, ignoring the sharp blades as she searched for something. The cuts covering her hands would heal soon, and Castiel watched as she drew one of the simpler knives out.

She held it out to him. "That's the blade he used on me. He never used the same one twice."

Castiel nodded, still speechless. He stared at the small knife in his hand. It glinted lightly under the dim ceiling light. The blade was smooth, not serrated. At one point, it had been covered in Meg's blood.

A couple minutes of silence passed between the two, and then Meg stood to leave. Another minute passed, and then Castiel was leaving the room, to. All the knives had been placed back into the box.

Castiel had no plans to return to the room. He wondered what the other boxes were filled with; surely none of them could as gruesome as Alastair's box of knives.

Moving in a daze, he entered his room. The bare walls loomed around him, and the big house suddenly seemed much too small. He needed air. Racing back out of the room, the blue eyed man burst out of the house. Castiel gulped in huge breaths of the cool night air, calming his now racing air.

Balthazar was coming up the front walk then. He took one look at Castiel before speaking. "I told you not to go in there," he muttered before stepping inside. Castiel glared at the door before entering the house himself.

-x-

More days passed after Castiel had found out Meg's story. The same routine, day in and day out. He hadn't gone back into the storage room, coldness wrapping around him whenever his thoughts turned to what was in the first box. Knowing what was in just one box left him dreading to find out was in the others.

Ash's funeral was to be in exactly one week, and Cas knew he wasn't supposed to go. There was something about cemeteries that most reapers avoided. Castiel assumed it was the fact that gravelings - creatures that followed around those who were too die soon - made the cemeteries their home, but he couldn't be sure.

Cas knew that now was most certainly not the time to be doing this, but he knew Ellen needed someone else to work at the Roadhouse. That's what he kept telling himself as he walked down the street, the small bar being his destination. He didn't know if he would actually be hired, but it was his favorite option.

Pushing the doors open, he was greeted by warm air. Not uncomfortably warm, but it was better than the cool evening air outside. The bar was busy than usual, and both Ellen and Jo were visible; usually one worked while the other took a break, except for on weekends, when they were at their busiest.

Castiel was soon standing at the counter, waiting for Ellen to finish conversing with the men she was already speaking with. A few minutes passed, and then she was coming over to him.

"What can I get you?" she asked, tiredness seeping into her voice.

"I heard you needed help," he offered.

She nodded. "You heard right. And you're the first person who's come offering."

Castiel's blue eyes widened in surprise slightly. He would've thought there'd be at least a few people offering.

"What's your name?" Ellen asked, examining him in the dim bar light.

He answered without pause this time, "Jimmy Novak."

"Well, Jimmy, you've got yourself a job."

-x-

The pay wasn't the best, and he had to take off in the middle of his shift occasionally - people weren't going to wait for him to get off work before being killed - but he was content with the job. Ellen and Jo never asked any questions about why he had to leave; he was a hard worker when he was there.

The day of Ash's funeral, the Roadhouse was closed. Castiel was planning on attending, despite Michael's warning's against it. Some reapers attended their own funerals, or so Balthazar told him, and Cas didn't know why going to someone else's would be a problem. There was always the fact the Ellen and Jo would be there and probably ask about why he was there, but he didn't think they'd notice him.

He was late, reaching the cemetery after most of the people had left. Only three people were still standing around; Ellen, Jo, and Dean.

Castiel stayed standing apart from them, just watching. Dean was the first of the three to leave, and when he turned he saw Cas. Knowing that trying to leave would be pointless, Castiel waited for Dean to come over.

"Make a habit of hanging out in cemeteries, Jimmy?" Dean asked, half joking.

Cas looked at him, unamused. "No, I don't."

"Well, then why are you here?" Dean questioned.

"Ash was my..friend," he answered, unsure of exactly what to call Ash.

Dean raised an eyebrow at that. "Is that so?"

Castiel nodded, not saying anything.

They stood in silence, just looking at each other, for a minute before Dean spoke again. "I've gotta go. Maybe we'll see each other again sometime."

Castiel nodded once more, and Dean brushed past him. He stood there for a few more minutes before leaving as well.

-x-

Arriving back at the reaper house, Castiel found himself alone. Balthazar was probably in the city, at some bar, and Ruby was most likely with him. Meg still had a soul to reap that night, so she would be attending to that.

For the first time since his death, Castiel felt alone. Dean didn't have any idea who he was, Anna was busy getting on with her life, and nobody else really knew him that well.

He was completely and truly alone.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I probably should have posted this with the first chapter, but...
> 
> Disclaimer: The reaper idea/concept is from the TV show Dead Like Me, the fic title is a line from the song Gone Away by the Offspring, and Supernatural obviously does not belong to me. And there are lyrics in this chapter. They are from the song Poison by Sick Puppies.

The second week that Castiel was working at the Roadhouse, Dean came in. Cas had been waiting for this, he just wasn't sure when it would happen. He'd been half dreading, half eagerly awaiting the moment. Dean would likely see him, and think that he was following him around. After all, the few times that they'd seen each other, they weren't exactly in usual places.

Cemeteries and the very bar Cas now worked in didn't make for good unplanned meeting places. The cemeteries, at the very least, had to come off as at least slightly creepy. And him staring at Dean when they'd first 'met' wasn't going to be winning him any brownie points.

Castiel stood behind the bar, not currently talking to any of the patrons. Dean hadn't noticed him yet, and Cas desperately wanted to hide. He wasn't ready for a full confrontation yet. As much as he wanted to have a conversation with Dean, he also wanted to put it off, who knows when till.

Dean had finally noticed Castiel, and his pace sped up ever so slightly. "Fancy meeting you here, Jimmy," Dean greeted Castiel.

Castiel found himself nodding slightly. "I work here now, so I expect I'll be here quite often," he responded. "What can I get for you?"

Dean ordered what Castiel had expected him too; a bottle of beer. After he'd handed the glass bottle over, Castiel let his gaze follow Dean as the other man walked away, probably to a lone table in the corner.

"That's Dean," Jo said as she walked over, noticing Cas' lingering stare. "He's just lost his best friend - who he claims was the love of his life - so don't piss him off."

Castiel nodded. "I know. I've met him before."

Jo looked at him, surprise clear in her eyes. "How'd you meet?" she asked, suspicion rising in her voice.

"He ran into me, and not in a metaphorical sense," he answered, deciding to ignore the small fact that that wasn't actually their first meeting. Especially since the first time they'd actually met was in Dean's apartment, the day of Castiel's funeral. Dean might not know that was Cas (well, Jimmy, in this case) but they'd technically met then.

Jo laughed, and moved away to take someone else's order. Castiel let his gaze flick around the bar before letting it come back to rest on Dean, who looked over at him at that moment.

Castiel quickly looked away, not wanting to be caught staring again. But alas, Dean had noticed, and not even a minute later the taller man was taking a seat at the bar in front of Cas.

"Seriously, dude, what's with the staring?" Dean asked. "I got something on my face?"

Castiel shook his head. "There is nothing on your face, Dean."

"Then what's with the staring? It's kinda unnerving."

Castiel shrugged. "I don't know," he answered, as if that was some sort of explanation.

"Well, don't."

A momentary lapse in the conversation allowed Castiel to hear some of the music playing over the speakers. It was quiet and unobtrusive. Castiel could just make out some of the lyrics; it was a song he didn't recognize.

"Starting over.  
God only knows where we've been.  
Starting over  
is not an option."

Then Dean was speaking again, blocking the song out. "So, Jimmy, what's your story?"

Castiel began telling Dean his actual story, only changing names and leaving certain parts out. His death, for one thing, had to be left out. The fact that his best friend had kissed him was also left out.

After Castiel was done, and with a few breaks when Cas had to go and help someone, Dean fell silent. A new song was playing, and Castiel couldn't hear it very well, much less make out any words.

Dean didn't offer much of his own history in return, but Cas didn't care too much anyway. He knew it all anyway. A short, meaningless exchange later, and Dean was leaving. It was nearing two AM, and most of the crowd had dwindled away; most had work the next day.

Cas soon bid goodbye to Jo, and left. He walked down the empty sidewalk, just wandering. He didn't want to go back to the reaper house, not yet. He wasn't ready to face his cold and empty bed just yet.

-x-

He walked through the town, not worrying about anybody who might be lurking about. They couldn't hurt him, and trying to force him into giving them his money would be a rather tedious job. Their threats would be rather empty when faced with an already dead reaper.

Of course, none of them actually knew that. Nor could they ever find out, or so Michael ordered. To have one of the living know about the undead would be disastrous, to put it lightly.

Unknowingly, lost in his own thoughts, Castiel walked up to the building Dean's apartment was in. He gazed up, seeking out the window he knew was in it. A light shone through the glass, the only one on in the building - that Cas could see, anyway.

He watched the light, surrounded by his thoughts. Castiel's mind was filled with the possibilities of what could have been, had he lived. Now, instead, he was stuck in this half-life, never fully able to befriend the living. Inevitably, they would die or he would remain the same, while they aged. It would raise questions, to say the least.

Michael's rules were just trying to protect the other reaper's, but Castiel wasn't liking them. At all.

The light above him flicked off, jarring him out of his thoughts. An hour had passed, him just standing there, staring. Successfully having his thoughts broken apart, he began to walk down the street again, to the reaper house.


	10. Chapter 10

Dean didn't know what it was about him, but there was something about Jimmy that had Dean dropping his defenses slightly. Usually, it took awhile to get any sort of information out of him. Now, Dean hadn't told Jimmy much of anything, but it was more than anyone previously had gotten out of him in the short time they'd known each other.

He passed it off as a side effect of mourning. His one week off had since passed, and he'd had to return to work at Bobby's garage. Throwing himself completely over to the job worked well as a distraction, allowing him to forget about all the shit in his life.

But the distraction only worked for so long as he was busy. As soon as he left, or took a break, it all came rushing back to him.

Dean didn't like the way this grief was taking over his life so absolutely. The only time it lessened was when he was with Jimmy, and while Dean didn't like it, he found Jimmy's personality scarily similar to Cas'. That was something Dean didn't like about the man. He wasn't about to befriend him just because of the similarities.

It wouldn't do Cas any justice, and Dean wasn't about to tarnish his memory by speaking with the first person to remind Dean of Cas.

And when Dean went to the Roadhouse, just wanting a beer to drown his feelings in, he'd found a certain Jimmy Novak standing behind the bar counter. Against his better judgement, Dean found himself asking the shorter man his story, despite having only spoken to him three times. Jimmy had willingly enough told him, speaking often of someone, his apparent best friend.

Jimmy's voice, when he spoke of his best friend, took on this note of both sadness and fondness, the two emotions wrapping themselves around his words. When Jimmy was spinning this tale of half lies, half truths, Dean kept thinking back over to Cas.

A short while after that, Dean left the bar. He hadn't driven, expecting to get completely drunk. Obviously, that plan hadn't gone too well. He walked down the sidewalk, hands in his pockets. His apartment building soon came into view, and he quickly entered, heading up to the one he resided in.

Turning the light on, he sat down on the couch, expecting to watch a little TV before going to bed, but the second he sat down, he was asleep.

Dean awoke hours later, the light still on. He stood, turned it off, and moved to his bedroom. But as he passed the door to Cas' room, he looked inside. It was a habit he'd developed after finding that stranger in there.

Not much about the room had changed; only a few things were gone. Anna had shown up one day, went in there, and emerged hours later holding only a few pictures and trinkets.

-x-

The next morning, when Dean woke up, his mind immediately flicked to Jimmy.

That settled it, Dean decided, no more seeing him.

And as the next few weeks passed, that plan worked surprisingly well. He only went to the Roadhouse when he was positive Jimmy wasn't there. But that plan wasn't going to work, as shown by Dean going to the Roadhouse, looking in, seeing Jimmy, and immediately heading away.

Jimmy, of course, had to notice him and come running after him. Dean continued walking, ignoring the other man until he ran in front of him.

"Dean, you've been avoiding me." Statement, not a question.

"Yeah, so?" Dean mumbled, looking anywhere but at Jimmy.

"I just want to know why," Jimmy said.

Dean sighed, not wanting to explain, but knowing he owes the other man some sort of reasoning. "It's a long story," he offers, hoping that'll disinterest Jimmy.

And Jimmy obviously has an answer to that. "I've got time. Ellen gave me the rest of the night off."

Dean shook his head. "Some other time, man."

"And how am I too know if you're just going to go back to ignoring me again?"

Dean groaned. "Fine. I'll tell you. But not now." He paused, thinking for moment. "Lunch. Tomorrow. At 1:00, Der Waffle Haus." He looked at Jimmy. "You do know where that is, right?"

Jimmy laughed softly at the mention of Der Waffle Haus. "I do know where it is. I won't be late."


	11. Chapter 11

The next morning, Castiel woke up right on time. He went through his morning routine as he'd done for the past few weeks. At 7:55, he was entering Der Waffle Haus. As per usual, he was the second to arrive, Michael being the first. Michael greeted him with the same curt nod before looking Castiel directly in the eyes.

"We need to talk," he announced.

Castiel looked up from where he was studying the menu. "About?" Cas asked.

"About your relationship with the living," Michael answered.

Castiel's eyes narrowed. "What relationships?"

"I don't know who they're with. What I do know is that you've been..friendly," he said, choosing his words carefully, "with some of the living. While that's fine, they are going to one day die or realize that you're not aging. What are you going to do then?" Michael asked.

Castiel nodded. "I- I understand," he finally responded.

"Good," Michael said, leaning back.

The other three came in, effectively putting an end to any further discussion.

Breakfast was a quick matter, and then Michael was handing the lists out. Castiel read his quickly, relief washing over 2:30, giving him an hour to visit with Dean before he'd have to leave. He, along with Balthazar, Meg, and Ruby, left.

"Castiel, don't forget what I said!" Michael called out after them.

Once safely out on the sidewalk, Meg stared at Castiel. "Don't forget what?" she questioned.

"It's nothing, Meg," he answered in a tone that suggested that anything else on the matter would be ignored. Then, he turned and walked away. Castiel didn't want to deal with the others right then. He just wanted it to be one already, so he could see Dean. It didn't even matter that Dean had no idea he actually was Cas.

-x-

Cas spent the time in his room at the reaper house. He was rearranging it, trying to make it more his, less Gabriel's. He wanted to completely redo the room, but that was a task for another day.

At 12:40, he halted his work, pulled his trenchcoat on, and left the house. He headed through the town on foot, enjoying the walk; he'd walked most places while alive, and he planned to continue that habit. Fifteen minutes later, he was entering the diner. Dean wasn't there yet, but he still had about five minutes until he was supposed to arrive.

Castiel located an empty table and sat down. After a few minutes waiting, Dean was walking through the doors.

"Hey," Dean greeted him, taking in the tan trenchcoat.

"Hello," Cas said back, not missing Dean's sharp intake of breath at seeing the familiar trenchcoat.

"My friend, he, uh, he had a trenchcoat. Just like that one," Dean said as a way of opening conversation as he sat down.

"What was his name?" he asked, knowing that was the proper question, even if he already knew who it was.

Dean looked down at his hands before looking back up. "Cas. His name was Cas."

Castiel nodded. He was unsure of what to say next, but he was saved by Dean continuing to speak.

"He was my best friend. Hell, he probably would have been something more, had he not been hit by that fucking car," Dean paused as a waitress came over. It was Ashley, the reapers normal waitress. And she knew each reaper by name - their actual name.

Cas tried to give her a look, warn her against calling him by his real name, but she apparently took no notice as she greeted him. "Hey, Castiel! This isn't when you're usually here," she glanced at Dean before continuing. "Who's your friend?"

Castiel winced at the use of his name, not missing the suspicious look Dean sent his way. "This is Dean," he said weakly.

"So, what'll you two be getting?" she asked, her notepad in hand.

Castiel ordered what he usually got, coffee - black - and pancakes, while Dean, still giving him that suspicious glare, ordered a burger. Ashley assured them it would be out soon, and then walked away.

"Castiel, huh?" Dean asked, sounding pissed. "What was that about?"

Castiel sighed. "Dean, it's nothing. Jimmy's my nickname. Castiel is my real name. Nothing more."

Dean didn't look satisfied with that answer, but he decided to let it go. "Alright, if you say so," he answered, a touch of suspicion still there.

A silence settled over the two, Dean not wanting to say anything further, Cas not wanting to push him.

Ashley returned with their food soon, and they began eating, the silence stretching out. Once finished, Cas checked his watch. He still had half an hour before he had to leave. "Dean," he began before Dean cut him off.

"Don't apologize. It's just, hearing you get called Castiel, while wearing that damn trenchcoat, and having your damn bluer than blue eyes...it reminded me of Cas. His full name? Castiel."

Castiel immediately found himself regretting wearing the coat. He didn't mean to hurt Dean, and the rest of the reminders weren't exactly his fault. But why did he have to wear the fucking trenchcoat. Berating himself internally for it, Castiel completely missed what Dean said next.

Dean had, quite obviously, known that what he'd said had, on some level, upset Cas. "Can I still call you Jimmy?" Dean asked hesitantly, repeating what Castiel had clearly missed.

Cas nodded in response, feeling absolutely miserable. He didn't trust himself to say anything, though, so he kept his mouth shut.

Dean sighed and started up again. "Jimmy, I'm sorry to have just dumped that all on you. It's not your fault."

"It's fine, Dean."

"No, it's not!" Dean almost yelled, earning the concerned look of the other people in the diner. He continued in a quieter voice, "I just met you. You don't deserve to have some stranger," Cas tried to cut in there, but Dean continued speaking, "come along and throw this all at you."

"Dean, you aren't a stranger," Castiel paused to take a deep breath. His mind was racing ahead, trying to figure exactly what to say. Tell Dean the truth? Now would be the best chance. But chances were, Dean wouldn't believe him. Besides, Michael would have his head on a plate for even considering it. "You're my friend."

Dean shook his head. "Even so, we've just met, and I don't tell this stuff to just anyone." Dean closed his eyes, not saying anything else.

Castiel didn't know what to say. He used to be able to immediately know the correct thing to say. But now, after nearly a month away from him, aside from the occasional short conversation, he didn't know what to say. He'd been Dean's rock when his father had died, four years ago. And now..Castiel had no idea what words Dean would need.

"Dean," he started, wanting to say something, anything. But, as it was, his watch started beeping, alerting him that it was two o'clock, and therefore time for him to go. "I'm sorry, but I have to go now," Cas said as he stood. He didn't wait for Dean to ask about it before he threw some money down on the table and practically ran out.


	12. Chapter 12

Dean sat at the table by himself for several minutes before waving the waitress, Ashley, over. When asked how much it cost, he discovered Jimmy - well, Castiel now, but he couldn't think of him with that name, not with Cas' death still fresh on his mind - had left more than enough to pay for both men's meals.

Dean left soon after that, heading down the street. He didn't want to go back to his apartment quite yet, and he didn't know where else to go. His feet carried him along, the fall air flowing around him in a gentle breeze. They carried him to the Roadhouse, which he entered.

The bar was empty, but that wasn't going to be a problem; Ellen trusted him enough to let him be down there by himself. She'd taken part in raising Sam and Dean, so the two were practically family.

"Ellen? Jo?" Dean called out tentatively. He knew they were in, as evidenced by the open door, but he didn't know where they were, or if they were busy.

Jo popped her head out of the back. "Hey, Dean," she said as way of greeting. "How're you doin'?"

"I'm just fine, aside from the fact that I just had lunch with that new bartender here, Jimmy. And guess what I found out," he answered.

"Dean. I have no way of knowing. What?"

"That his actual first name is actually Castiel - Jimmy is just a nickname. He owns a trenchcoat exactly like the one Cas used to wear. And, as you have probably noticed, his eyes are the exact same shade as Cas' were," Dean answered.

Jo snorted in laughter. "It sounds like you're just trying to draw connections where there aren't any," she responded. "You just need a break from all this." She waved her hand around, as if to indicate something.

"Yeah, a break would be nice. But how's it supposed to help in the long run?" he muttered darkly.

Jo sighed. "Take your mind off things. Go on a road trip or something. I don't know. I'm not here to answer all your questions, Dean."

-x-

Dean left the bar, slowly going over the idea Jo had given him. A road trip would be nice. But where would he go, and for how long? He couldn't leave forever. This was where he lived, his job was here, Cas was buried here. At the same time, though, he knew that three weeks wouldn't do much of anything.

He mulled the idea over in his head as he headed back to his apartment. Halloween was in a couple of weeks, and he couldn't leave before then. Ellen always threw a big party, and while she might not do it this year, what with Ash's death, but he needed to stick around through then at least. Even if she didn't throw the party - which he probably wouldn't go to anyway, as he and Cas had always gone together before - he was going to be around.

After letting himself into the apartment, he flopped down on the sofa and stared up at the ceiling. Dean lay there for a few minutes before closing his eyes and letting a light sleep take over.

-x-

When he woke up, hours later, it was to an empty stomach, yearning to be filled. He left the apartment, heading back to the Roadhouse.

Jimmy was working, and he gave Dean a small wave before returning to his job. Dean took a seat and waited for the other man to come over and take his order. Before he could, Jo strode over.

"Back so soon?" she teased him.

"Shut up," he replied half-heartedly. "And you know what I'm ordering."

She gave him that half smile of hers before retreating to the back, probably to relay it to Ellen. Dean tapped his fingers lightly against the counter, waiting. Before Jo came back, though, Jimmy walked over.

"Hey, Jimmy," Dean greeted him.

"Hello," he said back. "I'm sorry for having to leave so suddenly earlier. I had an appointment."

Dean nodded in understanding.

A comfortable silence settled over them, only interrupted by Jo bringing forth Dean's plate of food. "Here you go," she said, setting it down. She looked back and forth between the two men before opening her mouth to speak again. "What's going on, guys?"

"Nothing, Jo," Dean answered, reaching for the bottle of beer Jo had brought out. Jimmy just turned his gaze towards her, silently answering her in that creepy, unblinking stare of his.

"Alrighty then," she said, walking away.

The silence began again, and stretched on for a few minutes before Jimmy spoke. "Dean, you never did really explain everything about this Cas."

"What else is there to say? He was my best friend, and now he's dead," Dean responded, feeling a sort of anger begin to seep in. He barely knew the other guy, and what business did this stranger have asking about Cas? Jimmy may have willingly enough told him his own story, but Dean wasn't about to just tell him everything.

Jimmy looked Dean straight the eye before speaking again. "Dean, you promised me you would tell me everything today at lunch. I had to leave before you could. Now tell me."

Dean glared at him before finally beginning to speak. At irregular intervals, Jimmy had to leave to refill other patrons glasses, and greet newcomers. When he was finally done speaking, after telling Jimmy about everything, the bar was near empty. Dean had felt his walls slipping down again as he and Jimmy conversed, something that had never happened with someone he didn't know well. He was still unsure of how it felt, but fighting it seemed to be pointless.


	13. Chapter 13

The next few weeks passed without incident, and Castiel continued on with his afterlife. He was rebuilding his relationship with Dean, and that made him almost giddy with excitement. Okay, so maybe 'giddy with excitement' isn't the right phrase, but he was happier.

The other reapers had taken note of his increased moral, and they - aside from Michael - teased him about. Meg was the worst offender. Castiel could barely go an hour with her before she made a comment about this unknown friend of his.

Halloween was edging its way up as well. Two days until the day of, and Michael was warning the reapers of the dangers of the holiday. Meg, Balthazar and Ruby, who had all heard it before, nodded along, knowing what they had to do. Castiel, however, had never heard the speech, and listened with rapt attention. Avoid the living at all costs. You appeared to them in your true face - that is too say, the face you wore when alive - on All Hallow's Eve, and anyone who saw, and fully registered it...well, the face stayed on you. Even the day after.

That got Castiel thinking. If he showed himself to Dean on Halloween, then Dean would know that he was actually Cas, and not some random man off the street.

Then again, Dean might still not believe him. After all, he thought Castiel to be dead.

Oh decisions, decisions. What to do?

Ellen wasn't throwing her usual party, not this year. In fact, she was closing the bar down that day, despite the protests of the usual patrons. This gave Castiel the day off, aside from normal reaper duties.

He knew what he decided would either bring him great joy - Dean would know he was a reaper, and accept it - or indescribable pain - Dean wouldn't accept that he was a reaper.

The option across from telling Dean who he really was, was not telling him. But Castiel didn't know how long he could be Dean's friend, while keeping such a big thing from him. Especially not when he knew how much the truth mattered to him.

Castiel knew which choice the other reapers would advise (which is to say, forcefully order) him to make.

It was for that exact reasoning that caused Cas to not tell the others about Dean. Yes, they'd heard about him, but that was just because Cas told them tales from when he was alive.

Cas wasn't any closer to figuring out his final decision the night before Halloween. It was a Wednesday, meaning the bar wasn't nearly as busy as it could be, but the usual patrons at around talking. The sky outside was dark, but the black was marred by the street lights lining the road.

The Roadhouse was just about to close when Dean wandered in. He looked rather upset, and he made straight towards Ellen, asking her something.

Castiel stayed back, knowing that it wasn't his business, especially since he was technically dead. Ellen exchanged a few words with Dean before the two disappeared into the back, leaving Cas alone in the otherwise empty bar.

Castiel set about cleaning the bar counter, wiping it down to be ready for Friday's comers. After, he sweeped the floor and generally made the room tidy again. Just as he was finishing, Dean and Jo emerged, talking. They seemed unaware that Cas was still there, and he could easily hear them.

However, he chose to ignore them.

Until their calm discussion became raised voices and violent hand gestures.

Cas hadn't a clue what they were arguing about, but he didn't like seeing them argue. Dean had always said that next to Cas, Jo was his best friend.

"Jo. Dean," Cas began as he stepped over to them. Both turned their angry gazes towards him. "Calm down."

"No! I will not be calm, not when he's arguing against me coming with just 'cause my mom said so," Jo argued.

"And that's a pretty good reason! Have you seen that woman when she's angry?" Dean argued.

Cas sighed. "What's this argument even about?"

"Dean here decided to go on a road trip."

"Jo seems to think she's coming with."

Just barely containing a sharp intake of breath in surprise at Jo's words, Cas set about fixing it. "Jo, maybe Dean needs a little while by himself to mourn the death of Cas' death."

Jo seemed to consider that, and apparently she decided it was a good enough excuse, before she and Dean began talking a much nicer tones again. Cas moved away, thinking over what they'd said. Dean was going to be leaving on a roadtrip? When and for how long, too?

Well, whenever it was, Cas had made his decision about what he was going to do the next day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *whispers* comments would be greatly appreciated.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's some dialogue in this chapter that I'm 99% sure I quoted directly from Dead Like Me. Free cookie goes to whoever can figure out what lines.

Castiel knew he wasn't supposed to be there. Michael had warned him about this. This day, Halloween, was the one day the living could see a reaper's true face. They were supposed to stay away from people they'd previously known on Halloween; something about how once someone saw them like this, the reaper's appearance wouldn't change back to the fake one, staying at their true face. And when someone that they had known in life saw them like that, well, it wouldn't exactly end the best.

Cas didn't care about that. He knew he was breaking just about every last rule of Michael's by doing this, but after having Dean coldly turn him away on the day of his funeral, he had to let Dean know exactly who he was.

Castiel was standing across the street from his and Dean's apartment. He knew that Dean hadn't moved, something about how he couldn't bare to leave the place Cas had last been alive in.

At any rate, Castiel checked the watch he wore around his wrist. Dean would be at work by now, Cas knew. He reached into the pocket of his trenchcoat, making sure his key was still there, before determinedly walking across the street. A minute later, and he was back in the apartment.

Not much about it had changed. It was a tad messier, maybe, but that was about it. The same furnishings, all in the same places as well. Castiel had the apartment to himself for hours. He planned to spend that time carefully cataloging any changes made, and locking the list away to the confines of his mind for later reference.

A half hour was spent in the living room, another half hour spent in the kitchen-dining room, and then he was moving to the hall. Absolutely nothing had changed their, the walls still their pale, off-white color. He swung open the door to his old bedroom.

A small gasp escaped his mouth at the sight. It was exactly the same as when he'd left, the bed still messy and unmade. The only differences were the things missing, the small items Anna had taken. Of course, Castiel didn't know that she had done that. His best guess would have been that Dean would have tried to clean the room out, only to give up a little ways in.

He sat down on the bed, still in his trenchcoat. Looking around the room, he let himself get lost in the confines of his mind.

Hours later, Dean arrived home. Castiel didn't hear him at first, only noticing his presence when Cas' door opened from where it swung closed. Castiel turned his gaze to see Dean's face, shock written all over it. Tears formed in the taller man's eyes, and he stared back for a few seconds before asking, "Cas?"

"Hello, Dean."

-x-

"Cas, how can it be you? I saw your dead body, watched as you were buried in the ground. This can't possibly be you!" Dean yelled, walking further into the room.

Cas stood from the bed, and took a step towards Dean. "It is me, Dean. I am dead. But it's me," Cas said, looking Dean straight in the eyes.

"Well, then how're you here, if you're dead?" Dean threw his arms up in some sort of helpless gesture. "Are you some sort of angel, or something?"

Castiel shook his head at that. "I'm no angel. I'm a reaper." He paused before explaining further, "Angels are upper management. We don't work with them."

"That explains everything," Dean said sarcastically.

"I'm dead. But, I filled someone's quota, so here I am, an undead being."

Dean blinked. "Have you been here, this entire time, since your death?" he asked softly, a quiet anger seeping further into his voice.

Castiel only nodded in response.

Dean responded to that with, "and you're just choosing now to let me know about this? You let me believe you were dead and gone, while you were off-"

"No, Dean. I've been trying to help from the beginning. And if you've forgotten, I did try to tell you," Cas broke in, cutting Dean off.

Dean stared at him for a few seconds. "The night of your funeral. That was you?"

Castiel nodded before speaking. "And Jimmy."

"You? You're Jimmy?" Dean laughed dryly. "That explains a lot."

Castiel glared at him slightly.

"Wait a second. If you're Jimmy, then how come I can see you as Cas now and why didn't Jimmy look like you?" Dean asked, confused as to all of that.

"Becoming a reaper means you get a new appearance - at least, until Halloween or when everybody you knew in life dies," Cas explained patiently.

"The death things kinda morbid. But why Halloween?"

Castiel shrugged. "I don't know. Michael would know."

"Michael?"

"My boss."

"Ah. Okay."

Castiel blinked. "Does everything make sense now?"

"Not even a little. Give it time to set in. I'm still adjusting to the fact that this isn't my imagination," Dean answered before turning and walking out the door. Castiel followed him into the kitchen, where Dean set about making his dinner. "Do you even eat anymore?" he asked, not expecting an answer.

"Of course I do. I have a physical body. I still have needs," Cas answered.

"Okay then. A burger for you, too, I guess," Dean said as he worked.

-x-

Thirty minutes later, and the two were eating. An uneasy silence hung over them. Cas desperately wanted to say something, anything, to break it, but he knew Dean was still letting it all set in.

"If I see you tomorrow, will you look like you, or like Jimmy?" Dean asked finally.

Castiel shrugged. "Michael said that anyone who saw me today would see me like me afterwards."

Dean nodded. "What happens after this? Do we just go back to what we were before, or.." he trailed off, leaving the unasked question to hang.

"I don't know," Cas answered truthfully. "I'd like something more, but you're mortal. And I'm..this. I don't age anymore. You'd inevitably die, and I'd be left here. Alone."

Dean's shoulders slumped at that.

"But I'd be willing to give it a try, if you are," Cas offered.

"I would really like that, Cas."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> p.s. I still really love comments. hint hint.


	15. Chapter 15

It was an unspoken agreement that Cas would spend that night at Dean's apartment. The two just talked, acting like nothing had happened, that one of them wasn't dead. The talking soon gave way to kissing, and other things, but both were too tired to move much beyond that.

The next morning, Dean woke up alone, his alarm beeping insistently at him to wake up, the other side of his bed was cold and empty. Cas had left already, and Dean was upset. He'd thought that Cas, of all people, would have stayed. Of course, he had to be proven wrong.

Dean lay in bed for a few more minutes before finally swinging his legs out to stand and get ready for the day. He dressed quickly and then walked out, into the kitchen. There, a piece of paper lay on the dining table. Crossing the floor quickly, he picked it up and read what had been written on it.

_Dean,_

_I'm sorry about leaving, but Michael likes to have all his reapers meet at 8:00 for breakfast before giving us our days assignments._

_I'll see you later._

_Cas_

So Cas hadn't just left him, Dean thought with a smile. One could never be too sure, even if the other person was your best friend - no, they were more than that now. Boyfriends?

-x-

That night, after work - where all of Dean's coworkers said that he seemed much too happy - Dean went to the Roadhouse. Cas was working, and he looked at Dean with a smile. Dean smiled back, and was surprised to have Jo, who he hadn't noticed was working, raise her eyebrows at him in surprise.

"What's with the smile, Winchester?" she questioned.

"What? A man's not allowed to smile?" he shot back.

Jo raised her hands in surrender. "I haven't seen you smile since Cas' death is all."

Dean glared at her. "I might have met someone who's been helping me move past that."

Jo glared at him. "You can't have just gotten over his death, just like that."

"I can, and I did."

"I thought he was the love of your life! You can't just let that go!" she persisted.

Dean sent an annoyed look her way.

"So who is it then, this mystery person who's so 'helpful'?" she asked.

"None of your damn business, Jo," he growled.

"Let me know, and I'll leave you alone," she continued to annoy him.

"No," he stated resolutely.

"Is everything all right over?" a new voice entered the conversation.

"Everything's fine, Jimmy," Jo answered before Dean got a chance. Dean gave her a death glare, which she just returned with sticking her tongue out.

"Everything is not fine," Dean said. "Jo here is trying to annoy me into telling her something."

"Is that so," Cas said, letting his blue gaze turn over to Jo. He held his gaze there for a few second before Jo finally gave up.

"Fine. You win this round, Winchester. But this isn't over yet," she announced, walking away to do her work.

Cas watched her go, before turning his head to face Dean again. "Was there something you needed, Dean?" he asked.

Dean shrugged. "No, but is there something wrong with wanting to see you again?"

Cas shook his head, "I suppose not. But this is my job, Dean, and I plan on doing it, whether you're here or not."

Dean nodded before waving Cas away. "Go work. Don't let me distract you."

Cas seemed to consider him for a second before giving a slight nod and moving off.

-x-

A few hours later found Dean not in the slightest drunk. The bar was closed, and Cas was just wiping down one of the side tables when a newcomer walked in. Cas didn't look up to see who it was before speaking. "Sorry, but we're closed."

"Jimmy, we need to speak," the other man spoke.

The man's voice made Castiel stiffen slightly. When he turned to look at him, his expression was guarded. "Yes, Michael?"

So this was Michael, Dean though. The man looked vaguely familiar, but he didn't dwell on that.

"Alone, please."

Castiel glanced at Dean. "I'll see you later," he said before setting the rag down and following Michael outside.

Dean didn't understand half of what had just happened, and he kind of wanted to know. But he knew that so long as it was important, Cas would let him know. Picking up the rag Cas had abandoned, Dean began cleaning off the other tables. Ten minutes later, when that was done, Cas hadn't come back inside. Looking out one of the windows, Dean found him - nor Michael - in sight. Sighing, he turned the lights off and left the bar, locking it up as he went; Ellen had entrusted him one of the keys a while ago.

-x-

The next day, Friday, Dean woke like he would any other day and got ready for work.

At the garage, Dean was able to work on a few cars, fixing the minor things they needed. It was a slow day, but before long, he was leaving.

Friday had long since been set aside for brother time, unless something hugely important had arisen. Which is why Sam was unsurprised when Dean came knocking at his door. Jess was spending the night with her best friend, a woman by the name of Madison.

Sam welcomed Dean inside, and five minutes later, they're seated on the couch, some movie they both like playing on the TV. But Dean wasn't paying attention to it, and apparently Sam took notice. He muted the TV and looked at Dean. "Dean," Sam began, "what's wrong?"

Dean delayed a second in responding, and when he does, it's short. "Nothing, Sammy."

Sam looked annoyed at the nickname, but pressed onto the more pressing issue, "Maybe something's not wrong, but you're too quiet. Distracted. Whatever."

Dean looked Sam straight in the eyes, but before he could respond, Sam was speaking again.

"Maybe it has something to do with Cas' death, I don't know, but things will get better, Dean."

"It doesn't have anything to do with his death," Dean finally said after a few moments silence. Well, maybe it does, but he's not getting to know that, Dean thought. "I met someone," he said, not knowing exactly what to say, "and I think he's going to help me deal with this."

Sam pulled one of his multiple bitchfaces. "Dean. I know I said it was going to get better with time, but it's only been a few months. I know that if something were to happen to Jess, it would take me more than a few months to get over her."

Dean sighed slightly, looking down at the floor. "I never said I was over Cas. I just said that I may have met someone who might be able to help me."

"What's his name?" Sam asked.

Dean switched his gaze from the floor over to Sam before responding. "Jimmy Novak."

"When'd you meet him?"

Dean considered that. Technically, as it was Cas, he'd known him practically his entire life. But a more reasonable answer would be when Cas had first introduced himself as Jimmy Novak. Deciding to go with the latter option, Dean answered, "About a week after Cas' funeral."

Sam sighed.


	16. Chapter 16

Castiel understood exactly what Michael had told him. Letting Dean know who - what - he was...that was just dumb. But Castiel, well, he couldn't resist. Dean was his best friend - no, he was more than that. And after what happened on Halloween, Castiel was more sure of that than ever.

Of course, Michael had somehow found out that Cas had told Dean and he hadn't been to particularly happy about. Michael ordered Castiel to stay away from Dean. Castiel, of course, wanted to ignore Michael, but he shuddered to think of the consequences to doing that would be. Michael wouldn't be able to kill or substantially hurt Castiel, but he could have him transferred to a different city or town. And that would effectively get rid of any chance Cas would have of ever seeing Dean again.

The next few days passed quietly, Cas collecting his souls and working nights at the Roadhouse, Dean coming in a few hours after he got off work.

"Okay, Cas, what's up?" Dean asked one day after making sure no else could hear.

Castiel glanced over at him in surprise. "What do you mean?"

"Ever since that Michael guy talked to you, you've been pulling away."

Castiel gave a small shrug. "It's nothing, Dean. Do not worry," he responded after a few seconds.

"Like hell it is," Dean pushed, "What did he want?"

Castiel hesitated again. "Nothing," he replied again.

Dean didn't say anything for a few seconds. When he finally did speak once more, it was to repeat his question again.

"He didn't say anything, Dean."

"Oh, sure he didn't. C'mon. Tell me."

"No," Cas said forcefully.

"Please?" Dean asked, going for a less forceful approach.

Castiel glared at the man seated at the bar. A few minutes passed. "Fine," he sighed. "Michael warned me to stay away from you. Reapers aren't supposed to have any sort of contact with people from their life. I've told you this."

"And you're doing what about it?"

Castiel gave Dean a pointed look. "I'm still here with you, aren't i?"

Dean nodded slowly in response. Just then, a yell came from the other side of the bar.

"Jimmy, stop gossiping with Dean! We need help!" Jo's voice came.

"Be right there," he called back. He looked at Dean, who waved him off.

"We'll talk more later," Dean promised.

Castiel walked off to bring the food and drinks that the patrons had ordered. Once finished with that, Jo cornered him. "So, Jimmy, what's up with you and Dean?"

Castiel didn't answer for a few seconds. "We're...friends," he said unsurely.

Jo raised an eyebrow at that. "You're not sure? You two talk every time you're both in here. And I'm pretty sure I've seen you leave together before." Something seemed to dawn on her. "Oh god, you two are together, aren't you?

Castiel's shocked look was apparently all the answer she needed.

"Oh my god," she whispered, "what about Cas?"

Not giving Castiel any chance to say anything, Jo turned and practically ran over to where Dean was still seat. She spoke, her mouth moving fast. A few times, she pointed over at Cas, and each time, Dean glanced over. When Jo was done speaking, Dean kept his gaze trained on trained on Cas for a few seconds before looking back at Jo and responding.

The two conversed for several minutes while Castiel continued to work. Eventually, Jo came back over. There was a dazed sort of look on her face, but she didn't say anything.

Two hours later, Cas was able to leave, and he and Dean walked out of the mostly empty bar.

The walk back to Dean's apartment was short, the two were soon seated on the couch, an old movie playing on the TV.

"Michael has the power to transfer me somewhere else," Cas spoke after a short while. Beside him, Dean stiffened.

"He would do that?"

Cas looked over at Dean. "According to Meg, not only can he, but he actually has in the past.

Dean groaned. "Great. Just spectacular."

Cas nodded before leaning over to rest his head on Dean's shoulder. "I really would prefer to not have to leave."

Nodding, Dean replied, "I agree with you there." He wrapped his arms around Cas, pulling him closer. "You're not getting away from me."

Castiel gave a low murmur of agreement, his eyelids drooping shut. Dean kissed the top of his head before whispering, "C'mon, let's get you to bed. You need to get up early tomorrow."

Together, they rose, Dean still holding onto Castiel.

-x-

The next morning, Castiel woke, wrapped in Dean's arms. Letting out a contented sigh, he opened his eyes to look at the alarm clock. The digital display read 6:32. Knowing he could sleep for a little while longer, Castiel nestled back into the blankets. Dean drowsily tightened his arms, and Castiel soon fell back asleep.

-x-

When the alarm went off at 7:15, Castiel woke with a start. Dean was no longer in the bed, leaving a cold spot to Cas' left.

Heaving out a sigh, Castiel got out of the bed, bare feet hitting the carpeted floor. A minute later, Castiel was in the kitchen, clad only in a pair of sweatpants.

Dean was seated at the table, a bowl of cereal in front of him. He silently gestured at the box, indicating Cas should join him.

"I can't, Dean. I have to meet the other reaper's for breakfast. Like I do everyday," Cas said, a tad annoyed that Dean was asking him even though knew he couldn't eat with him.

Dean sighed, frustrated. "I know, but it would be nice if you could just once."

Castiel sat down the empty chair. "I know it would. It would be even better if I hadn't died. But I did. So this is the best we have."

"You don't need to do everything Michael says," Dean mumbled, so quiet Cas almost didn't hear.

Glaring at Dean, Castiel snapped back, "I do it because I don't want to get transferred."

Dean glared back. "Would he really move you for eating breakfast early?" he questioned, anger touching his voice.

"Considering it's a clear indicator I was with you, especially with the fact that I haven't spent a night at the reaper house since Halloween, he might!" Cas nearly yelled.

"Why does it matter though?!"

"Because you're not supposed to even know I'm still around. You know this," Cas said softly, all anger gone. He looked at his watch before speaking again. "I need to go." Without giving Dean a chance to reply, he stood quickly and walked to his old room. After dressing, he left the apartment.

-x-

That night, when Dean showed up at the Roadhouse, Castiel avoided Dean, making sure he was constantly doing something.

A few times, Cas saw Jo speaking with Dean, but he couldn't tell what any of the conversations were about. Jo eventually came over and informed Cas that Dean wished to speak with. In response, Cas told her there was nothing he wanted to say to Dean right then.

When his shift was over, Castiel left quickly, still avoiding Dean. For the first time in days, he slept in his bed at the reaper house.


	17. Chapter 17

When Castiel woke up the next morning, he was unsure as to where he was. He'd never quite gotten used to sleeping at the reaper house, and now, after a week of not sleeping there again, it was even worse.

He had no real right the be angry with Dean, especially considering the circumstances. But anything that may annoy Michael would end badly for both of them. Eating breakfast at Dean's could be the very thing that sets him off. It seemed unlikely, yes, but this was Michael they were talking about.

Outside of his room, Castiel couldn't faintly hear the other reapers going through their morning routines. After a couple minutes of just lying there, Castiel got out of his bed, threw on his normal attire - t-shirt and jeans - and exited the room.

In the living room, he was met with the sight of Ruby. She was busy throwing miscellaneous stuff in the room into bag, what for, Cas hadn't a clue. After he entered, she glanced at him. Castiel wasn't really expecting her to say anything. Before he and Dean had gotten together, they hadn't been on the best terms, and a week later, it seemed that she hadn't given any thought to reconsidering him.

"Good morning, Ruby," he greeted her, however.

In response, she ignored him and simply moved onto the next room.

He followed her, not knowing what else to do. There was still an hour until they had to be at Der Waffle Haus, and what better way to spend it than trying the befriend Ruby.

"What are you doing?" he asked innocently enough.

Ruby looked at him for real this time, her gaze staying on him. "Meg's not pleased with me right and told me to get the hell out for while," she finally said, an edge to her voice.

He nodded even though he didn't understand. "Why?"

"'Cause I told Michael about Dean," she answered, looking back at what she was holding.

Cas narrowed his eyes at her. "Why would you do that?"

She whipped around, glaring at him. "Why wouldn't I? The results of the living finding out about us - it doesn't end well," she snapped.

She paused, giving Castiel a chance to speak. Not taking it, Castiel nodded for her to continue.

"Castiel," she said in a softer voice, "when I first became a reaper, I tried the same thing you did with my husband. At first, it was great. Then I got his name. I had to reap my husband, the man I loved."

Castiel's eyes widened. He reached out to comfort her, but when she glared at his hand, he withdrew it.

"I just don't want you to have to go through that," she finished. With that, she zipped her bag shut, and exited the house, not giving Cas a chance to say anything.

-x-

Over the next few days, Castiel only saw Ruby at breakfast, and it was for half an hour at most, and the other reapers were there as well, not giving Cas any chance to say anything to her. Meg and Balthazar, who had since found out what Ruby had done, were both still angry with Ruby.

Dean wasn't mentioned at all, but Castiel still saw him everyday. They rarely spoke, Castiel still angry at Dean, though he knew it was unfair. Dean tried to talk to him, but Cas either ignored him or made sure he was busy.

Finally, five days after Ruby had told Cas what she'd done, Castiel approached Dean once more.

"Dean," Cas began as he stood on the opposite side of the bar from Dean, "I'm sorry."

"Save it, Cas," Dean spoke, staring at the bottle of beer in his hand. The previous day, Dean had given up on talking to Cas, ignoring him as much as Castiel was ignoring him.

"Just hear what I have to say. Please."

Dean looked up at him, but didn't say anything. Castiel took this as his clue to continue.

"Michael found out what was going on between us from Ruby. She probably overheard me talking to Meg about you."

Dean nodded as he attempted to remember who all the reapers were.

"Ruby..she told Michael because after she'd died, she tried to stay with her husband. She received his name, however, which meant that she had to reap him. Ruby was just trying to save me the pain," Castiel finished.

Dean looked down at his beer. "That doesn't explain why you've been ignoring me."

"I told you, Michael has the power to transfer me somewhere else. I don't want that to happen."

"What changed then?" Dean asked after a long silence.

Castiel shrugged slightly. "I just don't want to miss out on anything that might happen between us."

Dean gave Castiel a disbelieving look. "And you being dead doesn't take away from any of that?"

Castiel looked away. "I don't get to grow old with you. I don't get to live with you. There are a lot of things I just don't get to do, but what I can have, I don't want to give up."

Dean smiled a bit at that. "Even with the fact that I'm going to die one day, and you're going to go on existing for an undetermined amount of time?"

"Of course, Dean."

Dean's smile grew. He leaned forward, pressing a chaste kiss to Cas' lips.

A surprised yelp came from behind Dean, and both men looked over to see a brown haired woman standing there.

"Meg?" Castiel asked, shock evident in his voice.

She sat down in the seat next to Dean before speaking. "The very same, Cas." After giving Dean a once over, she gave an approving smirk. "So this is Dean."

Dean nodded slowly.

"Good choice in men, then," she smirked at Cas.

A minute or two passed in silence between the three, none of them sure what to say. Meg eventually broke it, saying why she'd come to the Roadhouse in the first place. "Castiel, Michael wanted to see you. He's at Der Waffle Haus."

Castiel nodded slowly. After making sure it was okay for him to leave, he left the bar.

-x-

Less than fifteen minutes later, he was in an almost completely empty diner. Michael was there, although not at his usual table. After being beckoned over, Castiel sat down across from him.

Castiel waited for Michael to speak, not wanting to say anything.

"Castiel," he said, "despite my many misgivings toward what I'm about to say, you must understand that you can't just tell anybody about reapers."

Castiel nodded slowly.

"I am not going to have you transferred. Meg has asked me not too, and she tends to have good ideas. But just because you are being allowed to stay, that doesn't mean that you can spend all your time with Dean."

Castiel couldn't stop the smile that broke out across his face. "Thank you, Michael."

"I still expect you to be completely on time for breakfast, and don't let your relationship get in the way of your duties. And a warning, before you running back to him. The first time it does interfere, you _will_ be transferred."


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! It's been a month since I updated, I know. But! I've been busy as of late; stage crew for the play on top of the usual load of homework. *shrugs* Ah well. Also, if anyone has a tumblr, and is interested in following me, my supernatural blog is angelofmoondoor.
> 
> Also, I'm looking to cowrite something, preferably Destiel, with someone, so if you're interested (and are willing to let me know your email (preferably a gmail for google docs)), let me know via PM or ask! Thanks!
> 
> a character appears in this chapter, and i really don't have any idea where i'm going with this fic anymore. (i know where i'm heading to, but getting there is hard...)

Cas having left, Meg had fulfilled her purpose, and so with a short goodbye to Dean, left the bar. Dean had one more beer before he left the Roadhouse as well, trudging back to his apartment. He had no idea what Michael had said to Cas, but it probably wasn't too good.

Dean walked to his bedroom and collapsed onto the bed. Within minutes, he was asleep.

-x-

The next morning, Dean woke to a mouthful of Cas' hair. After pulling the hair out of his mouth, Dean glared down at the man tucked under his chin. He had no idea when Cas had gotten there, but Dean was glad he was there.

After pressing a light kiss to the top of Cas' head, Dean gently shook his boyfriend awake. "Cas, honey, you have to wake up," he whispered into his ear.

Cas grumbled lightly in his sleep, cuddling closer to Dean. "Don't wanna get up," he mumbled into Dean's chest.

Dean glanced at his alarm clock. "I know, but it's almost 7:00, and I don't want you to be late."

Castiel shook his head slightly. "No," he refused, clinging to Dean.

"C'mon," Dean said as he pulled the blankets off of them, letting the cool air of the apartment in. He scooped Cas up in his arms and carried him out to the dining room table, where he set him down in a chair. Cas immediately slumped forward, resting his head on the table.

Dean rolled his eyes at Cas before setting about making a pot of coffee, knowing the reaper would need it. Cas had never been that much of a morning person.

After the coffee kicked in, Cas perked up, allowing Dean to hold an actual conversation with him. Dean made himself breakfast, Cas refusing to take anything. Dean watched Cas sip at his coffee as he ate his food. Cas noticed the staring, but said nothing.

"So, Cas, what's on the agenda for today?" Dean asked of the black haired man.

Cas shrugged. "What I usually do, most likely."

Dean nodded in understanding. "I'll see you at the Roadhouse tonight, right?"

Cas nodded in response. "I'll be there, Dean." Dean smiled at Cas before the other man glanced down at his watch. "I have to go. I'll be late otherwise."

Dean nodded in understanding, standing up to follow Castiel to the door. There, Dean pulled Cas in for a kiss before stepping back into the apartment, a slight smirk on his face at Cas' dazed expression. "Go on, or else you'll be late," Dean said lightly, closing the door gently.

-x-

An hour after Cas left, Dean had to go to work. Bobby, his boss and unofficial uncle, noted something was off with Dean.

"Boy, get your head out of the clouds," Bobby snapped after he caught Dean lost in thought for the fourth time.

Dean scowled at Bobby, "Sorry, just thinking about Ca-" he broke off, forgetting that Bobby didn't - and couldn't - know about Cas being a reaper.

Bobby's expression softened. He knew how much Cas' death had affected Dean. "Just make sure it doesn't affect your work."

Dean nodded before going to the back of the shop, where all the work was actually done.

-x-

When Dean was heading out after work, he passed Lisa Braeden on the street. She and Dean had dated for a time during college, but it hadn't lasted. Lisa had said that Dean was too attached to Cas, which Dean had taken very well.

"Dean!" Lisa greeted him with a smile.

Dean quickly covered his scowl as he looked at her. "Hey, Lisa. Long time no see."

She nodded, dropping the smile. "I heard about Cas. I'm so sorry for your loss."

Dean's eyes flashed momentarily with anger. She hadn't ever really liked Cas, and he wouldn't be surprised if Lisa would use Cas' death as an excuse to talk to him.

Dean covered the emotion with a small shrug. "I'm adjusting, Lisa. I have someone who's helping me adjust."

She looked surprised. "Who?"

Dean sighed in exasperation. "A friend."

Lisa nodded. "Well, anyway, I was wondering if you'd like to go out with me sometime."

Dean looked at her, anger in his eyes. "Lisa, my best friend just died a couple months ago."

She looked taken aback. "S- sor-" she tried to get out.

"And I'm already seeing someone."

Lisa ducked her head slightly, her brown hair falling into her face. "Sorry," she muttered before she walked away.

Dean looked skyward for a few seconds before walking towards the Roadhouse.

-x-

Dean sat at his regular spot at the bar, but Cas was nowhere to be seen. After about half an hour of him not being there, Dean called Jo over and asked where he was.

Jo shrugged in response. "Jimmy hasn't been in all night."

Dean nodded. "Well, I'm gonna head out, then. See you." He handed her the money to pay for his beer then walked out. It was still early, only about eight, and Dean didn't know what to do. He'd spent pretty much all his nights recently at the Roadhouse, with Cas.

He debated going to see Sam, but an unplanned visit in the middle of the week this late at night probably wouldn't be too good of an idea.

Dean went back to his apartment, not in the mood to do anything else. He fixed himself a sandwich, eating it quickly before plopping down on the couch in front of the TV. He flicked it on, wanting to see what was on. Finding his guilty pleasure show, Dr Sexy MD, he let it play.

An hour later, he fell asleep on the couch, only to wake hours later when Cas walked in.

"Dean, get up," Cas said into Dean's ear. Dean nodded and stood up, blearily blinking his eyes. He allowed Cas to pull him to their bedroom, where they lay down together, sharing light kisses before falling asleep.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the last chapter, guys! i'd really appreciate some comments on it!

When Castiel woke up the next morning, wrapped in Dean's arms, he knew that something was going to be going wrong that day. What it would be, he hadn't a clue. There was just this sense of dread settling in his gut.

He extracted himself from Dean and quickly dressed before walking quietly into the living room. Castiel sank down onto the couch after realizing that he had an hour before he had to leave. Turning the TV on, Cas flicked through the channels before settling on some documentary about bees.

A few minutes passed before Cas heard someone calling for him. "Cas? Where are you?" the confused and drowsy voice of Dean came.

"I'm out here," Castiel called back, not taking in his eyes off the screen. A minute or two later, Dean walked out, wearing only his boxers. Dean pressed a kiss to the top of Cas' head before walking into the kitchen.

The sounds and smells of Dean preparing breakfast soon wafted into the living room. Castiel ignored them, turning up the TV's volume slightly to tune Dean out.

-x-  
Castiel received his list of people to reap and, with Ruby in tow, set off in the direction of the big city. The sense of dread was still hanging over him, and he couldn't shake it. When he mentioned it to Ruby, she laughed and said he was just being paranoid. "Nothing's going to happen," she reassured him.

He glared at her. "How do you know? What if something does happen?"

She rolled her eyes in response and continued walking down the street. "C'mon, Castiel. I've got a reaping in ten minutes, and I'd like to not be late."

Castiel sighed and hurried after her, dodging between the many people walking along the sidewalks.

-x-  
After Ruby was done dealing with her soul, she and Cas had a few hours to kill before either had another. They walked through Times Square, looking into all the shops before deciding to duck into one. It was a nondescript tourist shop filled with all the things you'd normally find in one; "I Heart NY" shirts, totes proclaiming the same message, and all the cheap jewelry you could ask for.

Castiel looked around, taking it all in. He'd never found a reason to enter a store like this before, seeing as he practically lived in the city anyway, and so he was intrigued. He turned to see Ruby fiddling with some of the plastic jewelry. She had a worried expression on her face, and she kept glancing at her watch.

Thinking back on it, Castiel came to the realization that she'd been looking at her watch a lot more than she normally would. "Ruby," he asked as he stepped closer, "why do you keep looking at your watch?"

The brunette looked up at him, startled. "No reason. I just don't want to be late for any of the souls today."

Cas narrowed his eyes at her, not believing the words. She hadn't ever really cared about being late before, why would she start now? All that happened if a soul was left in the body after death was that they couldn't move on until they were pulled.

Ruby sighed. "Really, it's nothing," she insisted. "Now let's get something to eat. I'm starving."

-x-  
Castiel noticed that Ruby didn't look at her watch as much after that, and she only did when she thought Cas wasn't looking. He had no idea what was so important, but whatever it was, Ruby wasn't saying.

Finally, a good half an hour after they'd both finished with their lists, and they were heading out of the city, Ruby breathed a sigh of relief and relaxed. She stopped looking at her watch at all after that - except for once, when someone on the bus asked her for the time - and Castiel had no idea what had happened. It was late, meaning he had no reason to go to the Roadhouse that day, and he didn't think Dean would mind if he didn't stay over that night, so Castiel followed Ruby back to the reaper house.

There, Balthazar was sitting in the living room, watching a rerun of some old TV show. Meg wasn't there, which was odd. She was usually the first one back, unless she had a soul to be reaped. And Castiel knew she didn't have one as they'd all compared lists, as per usual.

"Where's Meg?" Cas voiced his concerns.

Balthazar glanced at him. "Probably with Michael. Something big's happening today, apparently." He took a drink from the wine glass in his hand.

Castiel nodded in understanding. Meg was second in charge, after all. If something was happening, chances were, she'd be there. He took his trenchcoat off, laying it across he back of a chair before continuing to his room, where he fell into a dreamless sleep.

-x-  
The next morning, Meg still wasn't back. Ruby and Balthazar both said not to worry, but when Michael didn't show up to breakfast, Castiel had to put his foot down. Balthazar and Ruby knew what had happened, but neither would say what that was.

"Ruby, I know you know what's going on. You too, Balthazar. So just tell me," Cas demanded of them.

"You won't like it," Ruby warned.

Castiel gave her an unamused look. "I think that's up for me to decide."

Balthazar sighed in defeat. "Yesterday marked the day that Michael collected his last soul. Meg, being his dear right hand, is to take his place. Meg has gone to get the new reaper settled."

Castiel stared at them. "That's it?" he asked in disbelief, "That's what you wouldn't tell me?"

Ruby nodded.

Castiel looked annoyed. "Who's going to give us our lists, then?"

Balthazar shrugged, while Ruby rolled her eyes. "I don't think we're getting any for a few days."

Castiel nodded. "In that case, I'm going to work."

-x-  
It was a slow, boring day. Ellen told him that he could leave if he wanted to, but as he had nowhere else to be, he elected to stay. Dean didn't show up that night, and as Ruby and Balthazar had both made it quite clear he had to stay at the reaper kiss until Meg returned, he couldn't go to see him, either.

-x-  
The next day was very much the same. Which led to Cas getting worried. Had something happened to Dean? No, of course not. He was being silly. Dean had to be all right.

Or so he thought, until a pretty, young, brunette woman came in, asking where Dean was. She said her name was Lisa, and that Dean's brother had told her that Dean frequented the Roadhouse.

Castiel informed her that he had no idea where his boyfriend was (he stressed the word boyfriend to her, taking pleasure in the look of dismay on her face), but if he saw him, he's be sure to let Dean know she was looking for him.

She left quickly after that, muttering something about how no one knew where Dean was.

-x-  
Always one to defy orders, Cas went to Dean's apartment after work, where he found it empty.

This made Castiel even more worried. Where could Dean possibly be...unless... He thought back to the last day he'd seen Dean. The feeling of dread in his stomach, the way Ruby couldn't take her eyes off her watch. And now Dean was missing.

Could Dean be dead..? No, there had to be another explanation. But thinking about it, nothing else made as much sense. Michael had once mentioned in passing how a reaper could sense when something bad was going to happen to them or someone they deeply cared about.

Castiel returned the reaper house, his thoughts all in a jumble. He sank into one of the wooden chairs at the dining table, where he sat in shock until the next morning, when Ruby and Balthazar found him.

He looked up at them, tear in his eyes, as he asked in a broken voice, "Is Dean dead?"

The other two reapers glanced at each other before Balthazar nodded grimly and Ruby hugged Cas, who was in too much shock to push her away. The tears in his eyes began to trail slowly down his cheeks, and he angrily wiped them away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this concludes the first part of this 'verse! the sequel, All This And Heaven Too, will be up within the first two weeks of December.


End file.
